An unexpected quickie

One might imagine that because I teach about eroticism, that I'm horny all the time. Not true! In fact, there are days when I feel concerned about my libido and I wonder why I'm not as "DTF" as I once was. As I embrace the hormonal changes of menopause, and as I become more committed to practicing love by aligning my heart, mind and pussy, I have noticed that my sex drive has softened and shifted. It starts with my heart, and sometimes the entirety of my nervous system, and THEN flows to my pussy.

Is it possible that the more erotic my life becomes, the less I am interested in sex, the way I used to be? Every day and every situation (including eroticism) is an opportunity to practice radical self acceptance - simply noticing the actuality of the feeling and accepting it - no matter how ugly, unattractive or inconvenient that I may judge it to be.

Today I want to share with you an unexpected peak moment of eroticism that really took me by surprise! It felt like I was actually getting off on the sensual and heartfelt journey I have had here in Bali, and Spirit of this place.

When I arrived in Bali, a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling heartsick, harried, rattled, lonely and sad... decidedly unsexy, really. I spent the first week at Shanti Toya Ashram, which was a lovely place, but it felt quite stiff to me, both aesthetically and socially. It was a not a sex positive atmosphere, nor was it a place that helped me to feel sensually enlivened. We gathered for meals three times a day. And each time, I would sit in the straight backed chairs in their dining room, with the soft flesh of my thighs getting pinched between the wooden slats of the chair's seat, and start to feel like I wanted to rush through my meal. The tables were too close to one another, so as I ate, there was often someone trying to squeeze past my chair in order to wiggle into the one next to me. These subtle, almost subconscious physical sensations made enjoying meals pretty much impossible. It also made it challenging to connect with other participants because meals are the main social time at the ashram. By the end of the week, I was ready to depart. My nervous system had been soothed by the twice daily yoga practices and the regular meal schedule, but my pussy and my heart were hoping to find more pleasure and connection on the next phase of my journey.

Fast forward the day when the following pictures and video were taken. My sister and I had been sharing a room at a hotel in Ubud for the past four days and were were preparing to depart for Canggu, a beach town about an hour away. We started the day with a scooter ride and a short hike to a local waterfall.  As we weaved through traffic and inhaled exhaust fumes in the tropical heat, the sun beat down on us and droplets of sweat formed behind my sunglasses. I was wearing my bathing suit underneath a short dress. My thighs formed a humidity-assisted glue-like bond to the black vinyl of the scooter seat, threatening injury if I tried to slide myself across the seat, even a centimeter. When we finally parked our scooters, and descended the steps to the waterfall, the shady, damp, mossy ravine was a wonderland of relaxation. The sound of the water falling cleansed me of the echoes of street noises and traffic. When we reached this pool, I eagerly plunged into the cool water. I stood under the cascade and let the water pound on my head and the back of my heart. I imagined that the water was soothing and healing all the disappointment, tension and angst that I was carrying, and connecting me more deeply to myself.

Here's a link to this is particular spot - please enjoy the gorgeous photos.

We then scootered back to our hotel with wet hair, showered, lunched, and got in a cab to drive us to Canggu. When we arrived at our hotel, a fancy high rise, right near the beach, I stepped out of the car and immediately felt like a movie star or princess. A handsome man in a smart uniform eagerly carried my awkwardly heavy 50-pound backpack. I cast my regal gaze across the expansive, open-air lobby and let my breath soften. As I walked towards the reception desk, my steps fell in rhythm with the pulsing, sexy music. I was greeted with easy smiles, kindness and warmth - Balinese hospitality is the most consistently warm and friendly service that I have ever experienced. Within minutes, we were given our room keys and a ticket for a free drink on the rooftop bar.  

When I walked into my room, I felt such a delicious sense of relaxation at the reality of having space to myself for a few days, I immediately got naked. Sharing space with my sister feels constricting for me because she doesn't like it when I walk around naked. And I do love to be naked, especially in hot weather. The coolness of the white sheets, the king sized bed and the gentle chill of the air conditioner, the view from my balcony... I felt so held and nourished by this space. The freedom and the sensual pleasures were so much more noticeable, after weeks of NOT having them, my insides melted, like in the arms of a lover. Except this time the lover was me... and the Spirit of Bali...

I felt inspired to put on a new favorite top and a flowery pair of undies and take some pictures of myself, feeling so playful and pleasurable.

As I snapped these photos, the pleasure got even more intense. I was so enjoying these images of myself - the curve and drape of my breasts, the waves of my hair. I took some deep breaths to allow the sensation to really circulate throughout my body, and I slid my fingers into my underwear. I was surprised to notice that I was already wet.

I was loving this stance, legs slightl spread, on my knees on the soft, yet firm mattress. I could feel the strength in my ass muscles and thighs, and the softness in between.

And the next thing I knew, I was moaning and feeling so aroused that...

(pic and video to follow is for paid members only)