Nov 17 2021
This morning as I was driving through the Gorge, the sunlight slanting through the last of the yellows and the oranges of this Fall season, I found myself contemplating what I imagine is a common dilemma for those of us who endeavor to listen carefully to our innermost, intuitive selves.
I’m in the process of developing a three day mini course called “Listening to Your Innermost Voice: A mini course for connection with your Divine Soul”. Several of you have volunteered to beta test this for me, and I will be releasing it in a few weeks.
As I imagine you working with the guided meditations and journaling prompts that are included in this course, and listening more carefully to the impulses of the inner landscape, here’s one question that may arise:
When some urge or inkling strikes, how to discern if this impulse is coming from the Divine Soul or the ego?
As I articulated this question to myself, I realized that I actually felt a bit anxious about it, I sensed a tightness in my gut. How would I guide people to navigate “around” the often incessant ego clamoring, not to mention the trauma responses and triggers, that so often dominate and cloud our inner dialogues, in order to actually hear the Divine Soul voice?
Two things came to me. First of all, an important part of this process is getting to know the telltale signs of the ego’s voice; the tightness in my gut that I just mentioned is a common one for me. Also, confusion and disassociation are ways the ego obfuscates and resists the clarity and depth that come from the Divine Soul. And secondly, and perhaps more importantly, is that it can absolutely happen that the Divine Soul can speak through a very strong, deeply felt articulation of the ego. The Divine Soul can send directives THROUGH this ego voice. And that’s fine. It’s all a part of the plan to blow up and/or dissolve the ego, from the inside of our lives.
Bear with me here, I know this might be a bit confusing.
Let me give you an example. Several years ago, when I got divorced, I hosted a “self-marriage” party. It was an epic party: tarot card readers, aerial silks performance, burlesque dancers, fire juggling, and everyone wore white. It was in an abandoned warehouse in the Flats of Cleveland. With some help from some close friends and my two daughters, I did a performance art piece where I got carried out to the stage on a litter, covered with a sheet, and emerged in my white wedding dress and announced my new last name (Belzile). All the directives for this party came from my soul in a completely formed vision of exactly what the party needed to be like. And it all came together like magic. I called it “Cirque De She”, I had a logo designed for it, and I think there were a couple hundred people in attendance. The thing about this party was that, as I got deeper into carrying it out, it was absolute hell on my ego. It was the most vulnerable, visible, outlandish thing I had ever done. The morning after, instead of feeling elated, I felt like I needed to be pried off the floor. I could barely speak or move. It was the most epic vulnerability hangover (also known as “top drop”) I have ever experienced. It’s a perfect example of my soul directing me to do something that so effectively made me have to challenge all my notions of myself, who I am, what I am capable of…. all those pesky beliefs that form the basis for the entire ego/identity complex.
So the bottom line, when it comes to trying to discern the difference between the voice of the Divine Soul and the voice of the ego, is not to waste energy on trying to “get it right” and listen to the right voice. That’s the ego trying to tell you that, anyway. What’s important is the feeling, the felt sense of depth and clarity. My acid test for discerning the voice of my Divine Soul is if I feel like I can’t NOT do it, then I know that it’s my Divine Soul urging me to do something. Yes, it may be coming through my ego, and it may blow up my notion of myself in the process, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I am here on this earth in this lifetime to experience anyway.
As light-workers, healers and way-showers, we were not put here on this earth to live the small, predictable lives that our egos would have us inhabit. We are each meant to embody the epic journey that is encoded in our Divine Souls. The soul’s trajectory may not be grand or public, but the more you devote yourself to hearing it and heeding it, its significance is felt by every one in your sphere of influence.