We were naked, in his bed. We had been making out and touching each other and we were both turned on. This was our first time in bed together. With such a look of genuine interest and curiosity, he asked me "What do you like? What can I do for you?"
I didn't have an answer for him! I didn't know what to say! I muddled my way through. We still had a good time. But wow, I'll never forget this moment, because it was a huge wake up call for me. I have spent the past decade discovering the answer to that question!
So many of us struggle with not knowing what we want in bed (and in life)! So where do we start?
A very simple place to start is by beginning to practice staying in connection with your own body and feelings WHILE IN CONNECTION with another person. This sounds simple, but for many of us, it's not. So many of us tend to solely focus on what the other person wants, and trying to meet their needs. That's what I had been doing for years. So I didn't even know what was happening in my body.
I had been meditating for years, but as soon as I got into connection with another person, my focus totally shifted to them and I lost track of myself.
Meditation helps us learn how to be more present with ourselves while alone. And learning to maintain that awareness while in connection with another is where the skill becomes embodied and real.
This is something you can practice in your day to day life. During a conversation, where is your attention? What is happening in your body? Are you getting more tense or are you feeling relaxed? Do you notice that you actually need something (a drink of water, a nap, to go to the bathroom) but you are ignoring your basic needs?
I love supporting people to learn this skill, because it was so pivotal for me (I'm still working on it!) and it's so satisfying to see the difference it makes in day to day life. It's one of the big keys to unwinding co-dependency and other effects of trauma.
Please join me on December 17th for an online event I am hosting - Soul Family Learn & Mingle. At this event, I’ll be sharing an overview of seven different skills, like this one that I’m writing about now - why they are important, both socially and spiritually - and how you can practice and hone them. Then we'll have some time for socializing and getting to know one another, weaving community together.
This is a choose your-own-ticket-price event. However the event is completely free for paid members of my website. Members will receive the zoom link and details automatically.
This event will be educational as well as inspirational. I want all of us to walk away with a clearer sense of how to walk with more light in the world and a deeper sense of self acceptance and love.
Other events that I have coming up: